Biggest Auctions
Biggest Bizarre Auctions
Stop adopting children and just name them. It’s as simple as that; no more childcare responsibilities, only the fun stuff. Maybe not, but this is an auction for the opportunity to name a couple’s child. The highest bidder will have their choice of name, but the parents do reserve the right to deny the name, and money.
If you bid, I’d also ask for a copy of the birth certificate to prove that your money was “well spent.” I’d also request to be listed as a tertiary designee on the couple’s will. You will be part of the family won’t you?
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Whether you’re extremely thirsty, are looking to add to your Pepsi container collection, love the perverse, or are simply looking to burn the latest hundo you found in your pocket, this Pepsi’s for you (yes, I know that’s from Budweiser). Here we have a circa 1980 Christmas-themed Pepsi can that Hugh Hefner might have helped design.
This controversial can was reported to have been pulled from production because it looks like Santa is really “riding” one of the reindeer on the can. This might have gone unnoticed, but the reindeer Santa is having a go at is quite wide-eyed while the other looks comparably calmer.
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Next time you have a house party, you can tell your friends to “Tag ‘em and bag e’m boys,” and really mean it. Any good house party brings uninvited guests. How do you put a halt to that? Show them your very own body bag.
As soon as they see that it’s an actual heavy-duty leather body bag, they probably won’t be too eager to crash the next party.
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Now this you’ve got to see — a male chastity belt, from this century! I didn’t think chastity belts survived the medieval times, let alone for men. But now that I think about it, I suppose the man is the one who typically would need the belt, not the woman, unless it’s a safety issue.
But what’s even funnier is that the male version simply makes it look like an enhancement tool, or a Viagra substitute.
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This has got to be the first time I’ve heard someone refer to their grandmother as a witch. But apparently this person’s great grandmother, Lady Isabel, was a well known witch in Upstate New York. This auctioneer is now in possession of a collection of spells from her great grandmother. The collection includes formulas and incantations for charm and spell bags.
I’m proposing that a team of online bidders step forward as the eBay Myth Buster Brethren. Be our bold leaders and discover the truths and untruths behind all the mystical promises found within.
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Is this to be considered completely bizarre, or cutting-edge science that hasn’t yet broached mainstream acceptance? As a result of having deciphered manuscripts of alchemists from long ago, Life Technology has created Aurum Solis and Aurum Solis Elixir.
Made of white powder gold and a few other ingredients, these products’ properties supposedly represent the legendary ”Philosopher’s Stone.” I know alchemy has its origin in the search for creating precious elements from ordinary elemtns. But these substances appear to create a change in one’s DNA. If this claim is true, then zombie movies will take on a whole new level of reality.
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With a starting bid of less than a buck, and shipping at around $50, you know we’ve got something special on our hands. Apparently, this auctioneer was boiling eggs for Easter, and noticed one of the eggs open up during the boiling. And lo and behold, a chick hatched!
Actually, it was just bits of the boiled egg that popped out and formed a semblance of an actual chick. Having said that, if you’d like to bid on an item that resembles a chick being boiled alive, then go for it. If you see that this item sells, let me know. Because then I’ll try selling the story of how my dad hit a rabbit on easter — not kidding!
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Do you have what it takes to screw? By which I mean, are you willing to pay for a screw? This is quite possibly the only time you can tell your spouse that you paid for a screw and not get in trouble — it’s an auction for an actual metal screw!
At first, I thought this was just another idiotic way to encourage unemployment in America by selling a ridiculous item with no work behind it. But now I’m thinking that this is an extreme display of capitalism in motion. This is America people! We can sell and buy exactly as we wish. Go forth and practice that right!
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At long last, the auction you’ve been searching high and low for: six jumbo raccoon baculum bones; penis bones to the layperson. The auctioneer claims they make great stir sticks, but I can think of better ones. In reality, the baculum is a bone found in the penis of most mammals. Contrary to the sexual reference of “boning,” humans are blood-pressure supported; no bones about it.
The raccoon baculum is actually a good luck charm and a sign of fertility in some cultures. And I suppose you could skip the Viagra and jerry-rig something special with this item.
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This auction very well could be a bid for your own death. The auctioneer warns that only professionals should look into bidding on this item; the most haunted item on eBay! The item is an antique box that delivers belief in God and ghosts. How is this possible? It all began with the auctioneer purchasing this horrific item in an antique store, bringing it home and 45 minutes later being able to see their breath and sense the smell of death.
My first question would be, “How do you know what death smells like unless you work at a funeral home?” And my second question would be, “Are you sure it wasn’t your breath that was causing this smell of death?”
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Now, I used to think that a storm might be coming, or that their brains were the sizes of walnuts every time my pets started acting up. But I was severely mistaken. I know now that it was their maladjusted energy fields conflicting with their inner force.
Alright, I’m poking fun at this auction for distance reiki energy healing session for pets. I have heard some positive things about reiki, and do intend on reading up on it. But for pets? Reiki this: feed them, pet them and…feed them. And their energy fields should stay just fine.
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Having trouble fitting in with the cool kids? Can’t seem to get hooked up with the “in” crowd? Well, step on up, bid heavy, and win your title of Biggest G on the block. This here is an auction for a giant “G.” This aint no prissy Sesame Street letter either — this is an illuminated “G” set decoration from Gwen Stefani’s Signature 2007 Sweet Escape Tour.
The possibilities of what you can do with a twelve foot “G” are virtually limitless. For example, you’re practically guaranteed access to Fifty Cent’s VIP parties.
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