Lonely during the week? Trouble finding someone to party with on the weekend? Your troubles are over! This $300 heavy, durable plastic mannequin even comes fully equipped with adjustable lights. This thing is pretty ghoulish looking, making it ideal for Goth clothing stores or getting you used to dealing with your significant other in the senior years.

Mind you though, the clothes are permanently attached, so for those of you who are really lonely, keep looking.

Click through and bid on a new best friend.

This auction proves that there are still people out their dueling for the dumbest auction in existence. Instead of biggest value, some auctioneers are striving for worst value, while pumping up their auction with enough bologna to fill up all of Italy.

For $500, you can gain exclusive rights to watch this person completely shave their head. Maybe if it was Tom Selleck — come on, the dude’s got nice hair — and if the hair was going towards a cancer foundation for wigs it’d make for a good auction. Otherwise, this particular post may simply be a very desperate and lonely individual trying to reach out.

Click through to let someone know they’re not alone.

For just a $1,000 you can assure yourself of a restful eternal sleep. This coffin delivers the finest in both comfort and aesthetics. Okay, so this auction is only for a regular ol’ coffin, but how bad ass would it be to find an auction for the real Kiss Kasket?

The actual Kiss Kasket is blasted with wild Kiss logos and pictures of the band members. These bad boys were only available for five years through the Kiss website, making auctions a great place to look for more of these rare coffins.

Click through and bid on a Kiss of death.  

Now, when the auctioneer admits that their auction is “kind of silly,” should that raise a flag? Yes. But does that mean you still might be able to extract some value from this auction? Sure; give it a try. The auctioneer is offering a golf tee and a divot replacement tool for $10,000.

However, these two tools represent the first step in a barter proposal, wherein the auctioneer hopes to go to school with the $10,000 from the auction, and then eventually be able to offer something of equal or greater value in the future. This sounds ludicrous, but imagine the potential rewards of having your very own indentured servant.

Click through and bid on a barter.

Against all popular belief, it was actually a new set of lungs that the Tin Man needed; not a heart. This item features Buddy Ebsen’s De Vilbiss Pulmo-Aide Portable Compressor used during the filming of The Wizard of Oz.

This poor guy was supposed to be the original Tin Man, but inhaled too much aluminum dust from his makeup and almost died from lung difficulties. This machine may very well have saved his life — unfortunately for Ebsen, it didn’t save his role in the movie.

Click through and bid on something that is almost famous; but not really.

Apparently, Lite-Brite isn’t just for kids anymore. Actually, I didn’t even know they still made Lite-Brite. But this item features 124,418 pegs that come together as one of the most creative representations of Leonardo da Vinci’s Last Supper. The 124,418 pegs also achieved the new Guinness World Record of world’s largest Lite-Brite; you’ll even receive the original Guinness World Record Achievement Certificate.

The proceeds will actually go to a good cause, 100 percent of the sale goes to The Milton & Catherine Hershey Heritage Foundation.

Click through and bid on art that will shed some bright light on a good cause.

For one million dollars, you can purchase this individual’s soul! After payment, they will send you a signed contract, granting you ownership of their soul after their natural death (in other words, if you find a way to quicken the process, it will void the contract). Honestly, having another soul would really come in handy. You could be a complete jackass the rest of your life, and then just use their soul when it’s time to pass through heaven’s gate.  

Bid with confidence, knowing that this auctioneer’s soul is guaranteed to be delivered as they have 100 percent positive feedback! Unless, that is, the other people who’ve done commerce with this individual are just as off their rocker as the auctioneer. Also, you should read the fine print on the contract to make sure you’re not buying a soul music collection.

Click through and start your own legion of souls to do your bidding.

Move over Jurassic Park, now everyone can own a personal dinosaur! This is your chance to bid on a $16,950 life-size stegosaurus, a dominant species from the Late Jurassic period. Known as the “roof-lizard,” this guy marks one of the most famous species of dinosaur. How could you not want him in your front lawn? Or maybe you’re looking for the ultimate prank — imagine what it would be like making the early morning commute and pulling up to a light with this beast poised and ready for attack in the intersection! And because this stegosaurus has feelings, you can keep him company by purchasing his children for only $579 each.

Click through to bid on Steggie.

Oh yeah baby! Die-hard Star Wars fans will be clamoring over one another for this ugly fat dude — Jabba the Hutt in the flesh (plastic/rubber flesh). Move over action figures, this is a whole new level of commitment on the part of the fan. Star Wars collectibles are on a constant rise in value. And the newer generation movies that have come out are only bumping up the value on first-generation items. This guy’s going off at $10,000, but for that much meat and Hollywood significance, how you could you pass it up? Besides, could you imagine being able to curl up and go to sleep right along side your very own Jabba — breathtaking, simply breathtaking.   

Princess Leia is not included, but you should click through anyway.

Aliens and UFO’s, or just some government officials trying to distract John Q. Public from the real deal? This auction features several items from the decommissioned military base known as the Other Area 51; built in the 50s. This $250,000 package includes several light fixtures along with a sign that states “U.S. Gov’t Property — No Trespassing.”

The actual items are pretty boring, they’re not even from the actual Area 51, and the sign could have been gotten from anywhere. However, the base where these articles were found does have the number 51 printed on the outside of a guard house! If you believe in visitors from another planet, then you may believe that the spirit of something from another planet has planted its essence in these objects.

Click through and visit Mork.

Move over horse whisperer, here comes an antique 1878 haunted clock — that whispers! This clock has remained in one family for over one hundred years, having been passed on from generation to generation with the instructions to ask the clock for advice whenever it was needed.

All one need do is present their problem or situation to the clock, and either wait for a whisper from the clock, or look for the “Clock Boy” in their dreams who would tell them the solution to their predicament. And why would someone sell such a family heirloom? Because “Clock Boy” suggested it of course.

Believe in the supernatural? Like collecting clocks? Click through.

Act now, and for only $10,000 you can have your very own crucifix. Not only that, but you’ll be providing this auctioneer with the incentive to keep posting ridiculous stories and selling dollar items for $10,000. Apparently, this person’s grandmother came to them in a dream, telling them to sell the cross; the very same cross the grandmother had gifted.

Let’s just put aside a few ideas of reality, and assume this person did have such a dream. Personally, I would be feeling awfully gypped if my relative transcended death’s boundaries and all they could do was suggest selling a cross. I mean, if you’re going to appear in a vision, at least come prepared with some amazing invention, a breakthrough in science, or some winning lottery numbers.

Click through and save a soul.